Enlightened Musings

I recently had one of those enlightening moments that bring a momentary clash of cultures and thinking. You take a deep breath, step back, and realize you are experiencing something that is not the norm for you. You can pass the moment off, or reflect, internalize, savor the experience, and note how you felt. I chose to do the later and found I was going down a road that many of our village youth must travel when they leave their isolated village norms and come to Anchorage or some other large metropolitan area. Wanting to better understand why so many of these youth do not do well once they leave the village, and often come home to a nonproductive life in their old environment, I decided to pay very close attention to things that were out of my norm.

I was raised in a small Alaska village and have spent the last ten years in one as well. So, I felt that I might be able to experience, to a lesser degree, what our village youth must go through when leaving the comfortable habits of their culture and village. This interesting divergence began when our writing class was assigned to travel around to different place in Anchorage and write. At our first stop I followed my fellow classmates into a coffee house where we would begin our first writing. Wonderful odors waft through the air and the constant sound of contented voices gave a feeling of relaxation. The emotions and troubles of the morning drained away and a new appreciation for life slowly seeped in. This was a place where one could slide into a peaceful quiet spot in the midst of activity and barely be noticed.

It was wonderful to stand amidst a crowd and not be the center of attention. It was as if I was a shadow that was attached and yet almost invisible. I learned something while in this detached state of being that gave me a delightful chuckle. Did you know that a utilakit is still a kilt. I thought I was looking at a tattooed motorcycle man in a skirt. However, a brave threesome of women asked this ape of a man about the pleated skirt. Thus, I learned about a new brand of men’s clothing. To think, I didn’t have to do a thing, but stand in the shadows and pay attention. This is a comfortable state of being.

Oh, I also learned that they now make coffee drinks other than vanilla, caramel, and chocolate. Three Musketeers! Who would have though! Candy bar coffee and everyone knows what dry, wet, and some other foam term means. However, I have to ask as I have no idea what options they have offered me. At this point I was way out of my comfort zone and at a loss as to what to order. I felt lost, dumb, embarrassed, like fading into a mist, and not standing in a line where they might ask me one more of those unintelligible questions again. I really must have been in the bush to long!

Our next stop is the library. How do I feel? I think I feel something attune to awe. The nice wood on shelves, counters, displays and furniture are more wonderful than anything I have seen for year. The soft chairs with moveable desk tops attached, the beautiful shiny hard covered books, and the crazy colorful chairs in the children’s area all amazed me. There is nothing to compare it to in our school library or anywhere in our village. Two elevators in a library---oh my goodness!!! How do I feel? Overwhelmed! Tears ran down my cheeks as I contemplated how our village children must feel to enter life beyond a village. In past years I have had some dealings in most of the great cities of the United States and Canada, and yet I felt very out of place. My past ten years in the bush made me feel like I am standing in a fortress of beauty. Yes, it stirred my emotions to the depths of my being.

As we moved on towards our next destination, downtown Anchorage, I realize that the conversations around me solicit unbidden emotions. I was at a loss when conversations centered on commercials and house pets. Why did I feel like this? We only watch videos and small cats and dogs are fox and bear bait. Big dogs are for warning and protecting. They rarely come indoors and would never come past the entry where we keep shoes and coats. The conversation is quite foreign and hard to slide into my village norm.

During our writing times my colleagues wrote three to four pages to my one. I wrote constantly! What did I do differently? Do they write faster or bigger? Do I stop and unknowingly think, or was I just that much slower? They raise their writing to a level that requires abstract thinking. I have to listen closely, and even then I have moments of grasping in order to catch where their wonderful words have taken them. How do I write? Concrete, factual, order of sequence---why? That’s what my students and village value. A good earthy story teller is of great worth. How do I feel? Small, out of place, vulnerable, uncomfortable.

Open market! Guitar music and singing! Yes, something normal and comfortable. However, after a half hour, my ears felt assaulted by the noise and mass of human racket. I wanted to escape to a quieter world. This was an arena full of wonderful things, color, and a variety of people, but there was just too much stimulation. A classmate tapped me on my on the shoulder to let me know it was time to go. How do I feel? Saved!

This narrative of events took place within a four hour time frame. I noted how some of the events that transpired around me made me feel. This opened my eyes a bit wider and helped me understand to a greater degree how our young people coming in from the villages must feel in a magnified way. Without friendly support, it would be very easy for them to long for the norm of the lifestyle they had grown up in. It is hard to feel like you are not really a part of things going on around you because you can not quite relate. Some interactions actually make you question your value and make you wish you could disappear. Is it any wonder that our village youth either return to their villages or get caught up in drinking and drugs. Both are escapes. How do I feel now? I do not want to reflect any deeper as I found it often made me feel small, depressed, worthless, withdrawn, emotional, and defeated. I think I will just go back to my village for another year!